When I first began reading this, I thought that you were going off of the song “Annie Waits” by Ben Folds, becaus e it talks about the headlights and everything. Good song.

But anyway, this was a wonderfully written piece! The descriptions were so lucid. The part about the jacket turning green created such an awesome image. Overall, incredibly impressive. Thanks for participating!

Very sad and effective in that sense, communicating this sense of loss and emptiness at this point in the character’s life. So, the feel is spot on, with even the use of present tense feeling appropriate.
Writing-wise it feels really awkward though. Lots of clauses are set off by semi-colons where a comma would suffice. Then other spots, compound sentences, are without commas. There’s even one big run-on in the middle there. It’s nit-picky stuff, but for me anyway it disrupts the read.

cheers for the comments guys. Glad you liked it.

I made some changes relating to the awkwardness. Hope it reads a bit better now.

I have no idea what you changed but this is fantastic imagery and use of tone. I can see the jacket, the green, the blue of her dress, the orange of the ember. Great work! Great writing!

thanks amaris