I really liked the second paragraph. It has a bio-holocaust like feel to it. A worldwide plague that our hero now feels will eventually overtake him. The first paragraph may have a bit too much “staring”.

Again, I think you guys are doing a great job with this.

Good point, Sir Bic. Edit done.

You know I like a good zombie story, and this continues the saga of our hapless hero well, but I’m stuck with the feeling that you can do better. To roll out the old writing cliche, try more “show” and less “tell.” If the zombie’s slimy mouth is open, you don’t have to add that it’s disturbing. The reader can tell this is a bad moment to be pondering. You don’t have to add that detail in the first paragraph.

I suppose I hold you to a higher standard than most!