Beautiful. You show a lot of skill here with the rhythm of what you write. You overuse commas though. It doesn’t have to be that each line ends with a comma, as by creating a new line there is a more natural, more subtle pause. When writing free verse like this where each line flows on from another, use punctuation as you would in prose.
I love the chocolate box full of imperfect voices part, that is an interesting little metaphor, I think it’s called. I’m guessing it’s a choir? :) Call me crazy, but I think your poetry is waay better than your prose (not like your prose isn’t great though.).
Wednesday [PJ] ((LoA)) 
Kihd 
Sir Bic