The deep-sea gives many the occasion for sorrow. Very rarely will it produce a cause for lament. Pushing someone overboard, could be one of those rare instances where it would.

The inspiration in writing this poem seems sincere but your execution may need a little work. The I couldn’t help feeling like a man , line, though I understood the emotion, seemed out of place in rhyme and thought. Missing hair can certainly be strongly felt, but saying it directly loses the sentiment.

Of course if this is an allegory meaning bad things happen when you eat a cheeseburger late at night, than it’s very well done, indeed! []o)

Hey Bic, thanks for the comments. Wrote this into a little song. Its basically about a dude who pushes his love away for stupid reasons that he regrets later.

I changed the hair part to be a little less obvious.