Where was this when the “Broken” challenge was going on?

I felt like I was on some sort of universal, psychedelic, Vulcan mind-meld voyage.

You had me until _ Trailing along with your conglomerate vomit._ That’s when I lost it and had to clean myself! []o)

Tad will be proud. (proud he didn’t write it) Just kidding Kihd, I enjoyed the trip man, thanks dude.

wot r wordz

Has a nice rhythm and pace to it, even if I got lost in places.

I just read the tag! I’m upset it took me so long to see it. The last stanza stuck out to me. You end this strongly. And there’s a topsy-turvy freedom throughout your poem that I enjoyed— I especially like trying to make sense of it all, which usually lead to abstract feeling rather than concrete facts of course. Just like poetry sometimes does.

I guess I better explain this. This is is going to be the longest comment in the history of Ficly.

The entire thing is based on this insane dream I had about dying and your soul rising and stuff and yeah. The first stanza is when you first die, how your soul or spirit or whatever is rising away from your body, going really fast away from Earth. You are being examined now by whatever supreme being you believe in, and also by the people you left behind. The last line-ish thing in that stanza is like when they say that spirits “can’t let go” because either the people the left behind can’t let go, or they can’t let go themselves. But, the “atmosphere” is supposed to be kinda like a metaphorical state-line to heaven, if you believe in that kind of thing.

The second stanza is sort of like you’re still… I don’t want to say conscious of your being, but you’re traveling through “space”, and you’re looking back at all of the relationships still on Earth and wonderign what kind of terms you left them in. You’re looking at all the hardshipd you encountered. “Arctic aortic”: you’re dead.

Third stanza is like you’re realizing that none of that matters in the long run. The people you worried about in the previous stanza have always loved you, no matter what your last words were to them and such. Now that you’ve let go, you start going faster and faster. But, then, you reach the asteroid belt. The “Supreme Being” that you might believe in. Now you’re asking yourself why you put yourself in the center of all your plans, in all your worries, because you realized until the moment you reached that asteroid belt that you would ever be the most trivial thing on the planet. Which you (everybody) is (are).

Fourth stanza: you want to go back, make things right, turn around and look at your religion, your relationships, every idea you ever just accepted without thinking about. Cause now you’re all alone with your lack of ideas, in Heaven and Hell at the same time.

Fifth stanza: “Following the light at the end of the tunnel”, as some might put it. Who knows whether you’re going to heaven or hell or whatever in the holy fuck you believe in. But you’re going there. Of course its scary. But, you keep going, you freaking run there to get away from where you were before. And your “reflection”, your “soul” or whatever runs through. I used the term “valence” as in “valence level of an electron”, because that is the outermost shell of an electron or atom or something that I can’t remember because all I ever did in chemistry was draw comics. So “crossing the valence” means finally reaching the “other side”, whatever that might be for you.

I feel like I changed a lot after I wrote this. I don’t even know how. But I’ve noticed how I wrote a lot of stuff like this and changed afterwards. I guess I wouldn’t trade that change for anything

Why do i have to be a jerk and accidentally rate my own stories asdfjnasdlfn i honestly didnt mean to

Kihd, you’re a stoop.