I’m going to have to recommend that you remove your first three tags. One should never apologize for doing what one is supposed and expected to do. I’m pleased to have triggered an interest.

I’m quite amused by your ability to turn a phrase. It didn’t click with me at first that “several waves of muscle spasms” meant “vomiting”. I also had to process your 2nd last sentence for a few seconds to fully apprehend your meaning. I appreciate writing that gives me something to chew on. It came across to me as a form of word play and therefore humorous, which may not have been your intention.

I still have one installment of this series to write, and you’ve got me wondering whether to continue it from this piece or not. The overall tone isn’t what I’ve been trying to maintain in my pieces, but the story line is consistent and you’ve left the protagonist in a situation that is useful.

“Beneath my feat” has more of the initial glyph of the alphabet than it is entitled to.

Touche, my friend, on the cleverly worded critique.

I only added the tags as your original story was so well thought out and carefully wrought.

Whether you continue from here or off your original stem I can’t wait to see where it goes.

I think this makes a good addition to the overall story, but personally I would suggest that August Rode continue the story from the previous installment.

I think that this is an interesting, different take on the story. The narrator feels more grounded in this one, even if it’s just because he’s puking in the bathroom.