A clever idea and a good take on the challenge. It took me a few reads to follow however; and I’m still not to sure if I have a good handle on it.

What’s occurring during, and immediately before, the dialogue seems rushed and vague.

You’re too kind, 3Bot. This one wasn’t quite ready for publication. I think I let it out too soon. []o(

I made some changes, but I still think it not quite right. – oh well.

Yeah, it definitely takes a few reads to get the point. I think I’ve got it now, but the first time or two it felt like there were entirely random elements thrown in. I get it now, and it is a neat story idea, just wound up a bit hard to follow.

Okay, the changes do help. Good job on the edit.

Yeah, a few reads (well, 2), but once I got it I loved it. Nice use of italics, and the repetition of “take that” was perfect. This is one of those stories that makes me feel like I’m breathing dust because I’m there and there’s so much action. I realize that makes very little sense, but that’s what I’ve got :)

I understood this right away. This was like stepping into a battle; the thoughts and descriptions were so lucid. Very impressive, overall. Thanks for entering!