This reminds me of an Owl City lyric:
Golf and alcohol don’t mix and that’s why I don’t drink and drive / Because good grief I’d knock out my teeth and have to kiss my smile goodbye

I love the first person narrative. You can hear the narrator’s desperation. Trying to pin the blame on anyone and everyone.

Nice job with the vagueness seeming more like an attempt at self-delusion and avoidance of facing guilt on the part of your protagonist. You totally set me up for the punny twist at the end, so kudos.

Bob, you got me with this one. Reminds me of a time when on the driving range the club slipped from my hand. As it flipped high in the air, I yelled “FOUR-iorn!” Thankfully, no one was injured.