I like it. The first and last stanzas are really good. The middle sounds too technical with ‘heart rate’ instead of the reactionary “heart beat”. Maybe: You hear it lurking… no ‘can’, and then maybe: Its creeping gives it away? – Just a thought.
Thank you, Sir. I see what you mean, I’ll edit that in and see how it looks. The thought is very much appreciated. ^^
Sir Bic
Seb Feast