I had to read through this twice to get it, but I think you effectively captured the jumble and toss of light reflected on rippling water—though there’s something more sinister going on here. Some of the language is a bit passive—you seem like you could write in a strong, active voice, though.

The passive nature is done intentionally. I can’t spill the details but let’s just say, quiet before the storm. Think of the light as being observed; however, you dont know by what or whom.

Nice descriptions. It captures the things we see going on every day in different terms. On the other hand, those terms are a little wordy in some places. Maybe a few too many illustrious words or adjectives. Shrug.

See above. If you need to paint a picture, descriptions are your friend; especially since this may become an audio drama when complete. Thanks for the feedback.

Riddled with spelling and punctuation errors, and it’s near inscrutable. What are you trying to say? Who is speaking to me? I’m sure there is something interesting to read here, but it’s clouded by deliberately obtuse language and poor grammar.

It seems very silly to obtusely point out that a “death by a thousand cuts strategy” is in play here. Leave the audience to interpret this on their own, or make it more subtle.

The reference is yet another plot device in the grand scheme of things. Nice to know that prophesying goes over people’s heads. Thanks for the input.

The sentences, when not technically flawed, are awkward and poorly formed. The vocabulary occupies an awkward place between impressionistic and technical, and the result is a sort of prosaic midterm abortion. In addition, the piece is entirely directionless and without function; it communicates nothing, and serves no purpose for the reader.

The best foreshadowing is the kind that your audience doesn’t notice until it’s too late

Got submitted a little early, woops.

Point is, it’s a poor execution of a pointless idea; there’s no thrust here, no arc. Work on your vocabulary and your sentence structure, and then work on the foundations for your stories; as it stands, both could use some refinement.

You’re a little too infatuated with purple prose. The reader can tell when you’re not writing naturally.

You could stand to be more concise. You don’t say a whole lot, but you say it several times. That’s a bad habit to get into.

I can’t say this enough- read more, and don’t read junk. It’ll help.

Pretty much impenetrable. Obtuse and overly verbose prose does not an artsy story make. There’s no feeling of narration or character, the shadows are over-personified…Are the shadows supposed to be alive?

I’ve reread it three times now and I can’t at all understand the action, if there is any. The only movement that is actually recognizable as movement is explicitly spelled out, and sloppily at that.

As for “the grand scheme of things”? Ficly’s motto is “A Better, Shorter Story”. If you want to compose your fantasy epic, do it somewhere where the word count isn’t constricted and for God’s sake get an editor.