I’d like to have a single extra detail in this story. It doesn’t matter to me what that detail is – a twist, a character flaw, foreshadowing – but I feel as if it’s missing. It’s what stops the good writing from being compelling. To me, there was nothing unexpected … yet.

Yeah, unfortunately I had a much fuller story idea in mind here that was handicapped by the character limit. I call these story stubs, since they’re obviously not complete. :)