Straight forward sci-fi/thriller type stuff, so it made me curious what the challenge was about. I liked the little hints at backstory throughout. That second sentence got a bit long, the one starting, “He checked the power…” Might work just as well as two sentences.

Lots of potential for sequel and prequel.

I like this: generic sci-fi, no frills, just blasters and computer hacking.

The second sentence is a little clunky, as THX 0477 pointed out. I would suggest that you use the word “power” less often in that sentence.

If you wanted to revise the story, I would suggest adding more sensory details: tactile information, smells, things like that.

semantic satiation – a cognitive neuroscience phenomenon in which repetition causes a word or phrase to temporarily lose meaning for the listener, who can only process the speech as repeated meaningless sounds.

Not that your use of “power” is quite that bad but it would be better to use some other words in that sentence. Check out thesaurus.com

I’ll have to make a heavy-handed revision to this. To be honest I didn’t do much of it after I typed it up :P

Challenge Critique: This is really good. I like the world you created, heavy on tech and such. This ends with me wanting more. Someone should sequel this and give us some action.