I think that this has great potential. However, I think that you have slightly overstepped with the ambition for this narrative.

The opening description is great (if a tiny bit too detail oriented) but doesn’t really leave you enough room to develop your characters as much as you tried.

Ooh, I like this one. The assortment of characters has a lot of promise. I liked the ‘green’ details, a nod to the direction we’re trying to take in reality carried forward to the Nth degree. Cool, cool entry. For pure sci-fi fun, I concede to your entry over my own.

I liked this entry up to the last line. The “lets go be heroes” seems a bit cheesy and forced.

@Robert: I agree with Smdasilva and disagree with Shu Sam Chen. That last line could work if a sequel was written in a “Kick Ass” themed movie narrative, that line would be age appropriate then. However, I want to write a sequel to another writers story but he didn’t name some of the characters or define their roll, we have exchanged notes to rectify this. Chen instead should have commented: “-but doesn’t really leave US enough room to develop your characters for US to write a sequel”. Chen can’t assume you mean to write one. I think you left the door wide open for a great sequel and loosely identified the characters nicely. Great Job!

@32: I tend to comment based on a ficlet as a standalone story, since it would be unreasonable and unworkable to assume every story was intended to be a start of a series.

Rereading the challenge, I realise that this was my bad. I rescind my first comment.

Challenge Critique: This has some really good characters and spawned some really good expansions. Still I wanted more lasers and explosions with this challenge, though. Great story, nonetheless, Robert.