Enjoyed it. This has a first-person-shooter feel to it. Lots of details, that’s good. Over describing the details not so good. You know what they say: “Show don’t tell”.

Nitpick: A few times “i” is not capitalized.

Thank you for your comment, and I always keep forgetting to capitilize I, it’s something i really need to start working on. Again thanks. :D

Challenge Critique: This has the action I was looking for and someone should really sequel, so we can find out what happened. I was looking for a bit more character in this challenge, though. Thanks for entering, Hamish.