A quickie to happy up my profile. Apparently my last was too much of a bummer for people.

Please, be harsh, be specific. I also need general impressions. How does it make you feel? What does it make you think of.

I like the portrait you paint of their relationship. You get a feel for the warmth and the quiet of the setting – the tone leads me to think of a relationship that isn’t perfect but comes close now and then.

The phrases “Oh, those eyes” and “intoxicating presence” seem maybe a little too cliched, and it’s not entirely clear by the current sentence structure whether the cloud or the starscape itself is “paling in eyes.”

Thanks, I’ll look those parts over.

I think I should have sat on this overnight and given it another pass.

I have to say, “earthy” seems an odd adjective for eyes. This piece doesn’t seem quite as three-dimensional as your first story. We just don’t know much about these people besides that they are in love, and it’s so nice to be in love that they’ll remember being in love forever.