What an elaborate name for such a bum. A nice bum though, so it seems. The descriptions were lucid, and for so many adjectives, the story read fluidly. Great job!

Firstly, GET A PICTURE!!!!

Secondly, while I am a sucker for description and am in love with this character, the story really has no depth. I’d have liked to see him characterised as a story developed. This kind of characterisation only really works in longer works of fiction.

Also, it should be “too” in the last line.

But like I said the description is fabulous. I like
His gait is stooped, and there is a strange staccato to his steps, as if each respective foot had a rich and personal musical life.
He sounds like a Disney hobo. What is the one where there’s a bum and each time he walks his hat opens. Like that :)

I’m glad you liked it. If it wasn’t obvious, it’s Charlie Chaplin, one of my favorite stars of the silent era.

Well this is in response to a challenge which specifically suggests the plot elements to be kept on the back burner to instead focus on the description of the character itself. :)

I have been meaning to upload a picture, but it’s easier to write lol.

I thought of Charlie Chaplin right away just from the title! This definitely is a great descriptive piece.

I can’t tell if “The untimely affectation of a bowler hat” is a correct use of “untimely” or if it should be “anachronistic.” I would also advise against using “seems,” as it’s unnecessary.

Other than these small quibbles, it’s a well-crafted piece. Good luck on the challenge!

Oh hold on… this is your challenge. So clearly you don’t need luck! But it makes a good example.

I appreciate the feedback! Anachronistic would be the perfect word choice, but alas, the much oft lamented and lauded limit of 1024 characters is tricky waters to navigate, that’s fo sho. I probably could push and prod some words around.

Just a question: How does one get close enough to get enough meat for that particular flavor of Evilburger&#153?