Jack’s back-story is here: http://ficly.com/stories/25295 – It takes place between this post and its prequel “411”.

Got stronger towards the end That first paragraph was a bit rough. If I were going to kibbitz, I’d say replace ‘seeing’ with ‘to’, reword ‘shadows in the shade’ [redundant], and maybe drop ‘of day’. Totally a matter of taste, but the paragraph was a rough read for me, so I figured I’d try giving a detailed edit on it. Like I said, the ending was really strong, and I liked the overall tone.

Thanks for the detailed edit, Doc. I really appreciate it. I made the suggested changes and reworded the ‘redundant’ line to be more like what I meant: “its shadow in its shade.” It’s like seeing a silhouette of the thing shading you. Pretty cool, huh?

Super detail, succinct framework, the suspense builds palpably. I can see where coin references, like “Penny” can add some fun color to this tale.