I really like the first stanza, although I think the last line of the first stanza is a bit contorted. I think you lose a bit of control over the rhythm in the last stanza, where it doesn’t seem to flow. It’s good to see some more poetry on here!
I really like the first stanza, although I think the last line of the first stanza is a bit contorted.
I think you lose a bit of control over the rhythm in the last stanza, where it doesn’t seem to flow.
It’s good to see some more poetry on here!
“I am making you dead like me” sounds very much like a song lyric, which I do not think is a good or a bad thing. But easily my favourite line of this is “I am a gun in control of its trigger” Magnificent as always, Tad.
“I am making you dead like me” sounds very much like a song lyric, which I do not think is a good or a bad thing.
But easily my favourite line of this is “I am a gun in control of its trigger”
Magnificent as always, Tad.
Ya know, I kind of like it when poetry uses severe slant rhymes, so that you do get lost in the rhythm and stuff. The poem is beautiful, but I especially like the tag/last line.
Sanglorian 
JayDee 
Kihd