“Generally speaking, dogs should not be allowed to drive solo down a way one street. It’s packed full of people and smells, and the excuse that your were not willing to drive with your knees while looking for the vanilla cappuccino doesn’t cut it. You made a bad choice, we all understand and none of us will forgive you.”

“There’s no reason for me to hang my head, I realize the error of my way, can we move on?”

“You assume too much, friend. This is a far more serious conviction than you can fathom. Extra vanilla cream syrup in your coffee constitutes that you were under the influence of a sugar high while at the wheel. We’ll have to confirm whether it will be considered an alcohol-related or drug offense, but the fine you’ll pay will be equal in either case.”

“That’s ridiculous. The syrup was sugar-free.”

“Changes nothing. Sadly, Fido’s driving skill far exceed your own, and if it weren’t for him falling onto the brake, you’d both likely have been injured beyond repair. Your upholstery though…”