Out of curiosity, what was the prompt for this essay? It reads like a story, but depending on the essay that could work.

In the first paragraph, I would omit the sentence “He’s so ugly.” You show us that through descriptions, the extra telling isn’t necessary. Sometimes the excess “telling” us things gets in the way and makes the writing less powerful.

Oh! And in the title, you forgot the “p” in “excerpt.” :)

Thanks! It wasn’t really an essay, the prompt was to write from the point of view of a character and my character was this sort of bratty child who feels better than every one and entitled to everything. I was trying to convey that in the “ugly” comment. The rest of the story showed it more, this part was the most real, I guess.