Ooh, ouch. I was trying to feel for the narrator through it, but the demanding nature got in the way for me personally, which might just be because I absolutely detest having the person I’m in a relationship with tell me what to do. But towards the end I was feeling for him, wondering what the circumstances were…

Also, just as a nit-picky note, in line 3, “effect” should be “affect.”

Overall, I did like this, I just couldn’t quite get into the emotion of it. But I think that’s just a me thing, the writing is really well done.

Using repetition of words to really push her frustration and yearning was a nice touch. It also helped me feel her drama. I agree, it was demanding, but I guess that’s just part of her character.

Thank you!