My roommate Megan got arrested at a library.

-Cigarette, Cigarette. Meds.

I have to hand Amber from staff a razor with pubic hair still lodged in it over the shower door while I’m naked and wet.

-Cigarette.

CLEANING YOUR LIVING SPACE TWICE A DAY PROMOTES GOOD HOUSEKEEPING HABITS!!

-Crave a cigarette, denied a cigarette.

Is that a banana in your pocket, or are you just being coded for failure to eat a proper meal?

-CIGARETTE. Sneak another cigarette.

Therapy flays me alive and strings my guts and organs up around me like Christmas lights.

-Cigarette… Just keep bumming cigarettes.