I like it! The brothels have really become the stars of this challenge, haven’t they? I would reconsider the sentence: “The Garden rarely cast away their children so what was so different about this one.” Perhaps, “The Garden rarely cast away their children; Yuki wondered what was different about this one.” I’d recommend also a bit more showing and a bit less telling.
I like it! The brothels have really become the stars of this challenge, haven’t they?
I would reconsider the sentence: “The Garden rarely cast away their children so what was so different about this one.”
Perhaps, “The Garden rarely cast away their children; Yuki wondered what was different about this one.”
I’d recommend also a bit more showing and a bit less telling.
Sanglorian Sanglorian