I like it. However, the first and second paragraphs don’t seem to work together. What I mean by that is that the first paragraph made me feel that you had a message which I hadn’t grasped yet; the second paragraph made it obvious that the message was a twist – I hadn’t grasped the message because you hadn’t given us enough information.

I had noticed that too, there’s a definite disconnect between the two, however I wasn’t sure how to bridge that gap and remain within the word constraint. This is my first attempt at writing ficlets and I’m fairly new to writing in general. Any comments on how to make this flow better would be greatly appreciated.

Never be afraid to split your ficly into two parts and sequel them together. Despite your strugglings with the word limit, the piece was very well written. Welcome to ficly!