I like it. I particularly like the intimate picture you sketch of her in the first paragraph.

I also like the fact that he revises what he was going to say, but I was disappointed that the truthful sentence didn’t seem much worse than the lie. I was thinking that the protagonist would say something truly shocking; ’It’s not me, it’s you’.

I agree with you that the ending wasn’t different enough from the first answer (that’s what I get for writing late at night, then not editing). I didn’t want it to be shocking, though, but more of a “easy cliche vs. harsh honesty” type thing. Do you think the new ending works better? Anything you think could be added or subtracted? I’d love your feedback. Thanks! :)

I see the difference and I think it’s mostly fine the way it is. I also like how this is full of images; that’s what gives it the really intimate feel Sanglorian was talking about.