After reading this, all I could think of was “Little dreamer’s gone to war”

Maybe this is just me, but the “deleted” expletives slowed this piece down a little too much for me. or maybe, I’m just too “mature” for my own good…

A fair critique, Krully, and I debated how to do that. In the end, well, my nephew reads this stuff.

Now, that is bad [deleted ]. I actually enjoyed the deleted expletives because it made my me stop and think about what was said and how it would have been said. Really cool story. I also liked the phrase “pre-dawn, but post-nightmares” describing the character’s mental state.

I liked the details like his confection and drink of choice. It made is seem very real. I also agree with @thebetweenspace about that phrase.