Cute interaction between the two of them. I really like the focus on the human element as opposed some crazy steampunk machination. I didn’t quite follow who was wearing the goggles.
Your use of the present tense throughout is a little distracting to me. I would rather see this written in past tense (ie, shouted not shouts, sighed not sighs)
Great start, you have a knack for fast moving action.
Definitely take a step back to look at this from the reader’s perspective at points. Nobody can really get a solid visual of “behind the multifaceted goggles”, and your description of the automata is good but just a tad too vague to have as much punch as the rest.
Finally, you started strong, you have to end strong “Kroger straightens his tie before breakfast,” isn’t quite there.
I agree with the suggestions for improvements, but I should add that I quite enjoyed this story. It’s fluffy, but it hints at a larger world and interesting characters.
Jessica Cahill
JayDee
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smdasilva {LoA}
neil kant
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