I wonder why she’s the only one who can read the map and I love that he can’t get her name right.

hahaha! The cap’n attacks seaweed while the wizard messes up her name… it’s very alice in wonderland.

As THX0477 commented on in the prequel, the narrative present tense(called the Historical Present ) you use is a bit distracting at first. Normally it is used in verbal narratives, and not in written narratives (exception: David Copperfield). But your use of the tense does gives this a disney movie feel, which seems to work well with the playful actions of the cookie-cutter type characters.

This is a fun clever short read, but since your profile mentions you’re an “Aspiring novelist”, I figure you want more than a “this is funny, 5 stars” comment. Clever writing doesn’t equal good writing. Read point 1 subpoint c on John Scalzi’s blog post here:
http://whatever.scalzi.com/2006/04/27/10-things-teenage-writers-should-know-about-writing/