I’ve a feeling that Jhendayre would look frail to the uneducated eye, but that Ramar would know better.

Nice descriptions. An old master’s perception of his student would scrutinize as such, I’m sure. He might be a tad to thin however; in the second sentence of last paragraph, you used it twice. []o)

Whoops. Fixed! Thank you guys!

I would replace the comma with a semicolon in Now he moved with sinuous grace, no that wasn’t right. Or possibly even make it a separate sentence. Also the sentence He’d always moved when and where he wanted to move and struck without hesitation. seems a little awkward to me, maybe change it to He’d always moved when and where he wanted to, moved and struck without hesitation.

Other than those distracting grammar things, excellent.

“It looked like he was making decisions on a basic level that others took for granted- like when to breathe.”

I love that description.

This feels like a longer piece that got chopped up for Ficly, leading to a lot of self-sequelling.

yes the description is great, but i’m left wondering how he has time to think that much in a fight. and he never relaxes..