It’s a good start for a light-hearted tale. It’s a diverse trio of characters with lots of potential. However…

P1S2 (paragraph 1, sentence 2) could stand with rewriting. You’re expressing two disparate ideas in the same sentence and it would be better to divide it. Use “woven” instead of “weaved” or rephrase. What are “terracotta plantings?” Pots?

P2S2 should also be broken at the comma, and you mean “stumble” rather than “stubble.”

In P3S1, you mix English with Spanish. Since they’re already presumably speaking Spanish, retaining it looks a bit odd. However, it does add color to the piece.

The time differential between the sentences in P6 is substantial in that the end of the afternoon siesta is nowhere near sunset. At a minimum, replace the colon with a period.

I’m not a Spanish speaker, but it strikes me unlikely that a child would refer to a man as “señor.” It doesn’t seem respectful enough. I expect that this is where you should use “Don.” If I’m wrong, please correct me.

Oops. Did I click publish?
Thanks, August, for your constructive comments. The best part – I don’t have to figure out how to edit it myself now! []o)

Well August basically did all the constructive criticism I would have said. Overall this piece has a nice nostalgic, almost fable-y feel to it (minus talking animals), although I would take care that it doesn’t stray into immaturity. But yeah, the small town feel is really well established, and I see the potential that August does.