This is… hilarious. I’m not entirely sure where to start with the possibilities. I love how many various details are sprinkled throughout. Nicely written.

“… tickling like the whiskers of a cat with boundary issues.”

I love that line!

Wow, at that age, I’m sure he almost has tenure! I enjoyed this sharp parody of academia.

This story made me laugh out loud, and so did Cthulhuburger’s comment.