This piece is so tender and sweet. Oh, those moments when everything is drawing to a close… Scared to ruin the moment and take things too far, and heartbroken that you’ll have to leave the moment behind eventually. You put so much longing into this. I love it.

A couple quick notes – “afterwords” in the first sentence. I think you might have meant “afterwards”? And also, I stumbled a bit over the second paragraph, the line about her having a schedule to return and make him smile. If she doesn’t have to return on a schedule, then why does the rest of the piece make the point that time is so scarce? It sticks out a little, I think.

That said… Nicely done :)

Thanks so much! Yes, longing is a great description for this whole moment… nice.

I made the typo fix (thanks for catching, what a jerkface I am!), and also I see what you’re saying about that second paragraph. I know what I was TRYING to do with that, but it didn’t succeed. I don’t think in this context there was a way to make that succeed. So I just changed it to “there was no promise for her return”. Let me know how that flows!

I really liked this story as well, and I think you did an awesome job capturing the feeling that everything was good, but about to end.
The only thing I would advise is in the fourth paragraph, changing “sneaked” to “snuck”. Personally, I think it sounds better. But, overall, I really enjoyed this story. :D

Why the mysterious car in the night? sad to leave with such longing, perhaps this is romeo and she is juliet? You captured the moment, but there is something else underlying and I wanna know what that is! :) good job.

“Every second had an expiration date.” I love that sentence.