The Big Crunch Church of The Final Deliverance (BCCOTFD) was on the final countdown.

Long ago, it was thought there was not enough matter in the Universe to slow down the expansion of the Big Bang and draw things back to a final singularity.

But then -

“Oh bugger!” said humanity’s greatest scientist. “We forgot to carry the ‘2’. Gravity WILL reverse expansion and all will end in a Big Crunch.” he decreed.

And now here it was. After 45 billion years, the Universe would end today in just a few more minutes.

The BCCOTFD faithful stared into the heavens! Countless stars, planets, whirls of dark and light matter, whole galaxies by the billion were all coming together in a majestic cascade of indescribable beauty and raw terror.

The multitudes prayed and screamed in orgasms of heavenly ecstasy as the End of All Things finally arrived! 5…4…3…2…1…CRRRUNCH!

Once again, all was without form, and void; and darkness was upon the face of the deep.

“You really are an asshole, Jehovah!” laughed Satan…