I feel overwhelmed and rushed. We start in media res, but we never leave it. We miss out on the joy of sorting out just what was going on.

I would like to see what happens to the protagonist as he slowly turns to stone.

yeah, I know. :) This is only the tip of the iceburg. In a big movie, there’s lots of characters and action in the battle scene, so I wrote only the climax here. The entire story will be a book. So stay tuned.

At first I thought Pierre and the narrator were on the same side so I was confused why something he did hurt the narrator. Maybe a slight change in wording would be helpful. Instead of “make a run for Pierre”, how about “make a run at Pierre”. I just feel that when you are making a run for something, you are looking for shelter or safety. Making a run at something seems more like attacking.

Of course, this is all pretty moot if this is the end/climax of a longer work.

I also was a little confused about whose side Pierre was on, but I loved the feeling of a sprawling, chaotic battle. How can I resist a story that includes lines like, “The Valiant began to shoot its cannons but very few gargoyles were struck. The red gargoyles dropped their boulders, knocking giants, trolls, cats ninjas, and gnomes in every direction.”?

corrected! thanks for pointing that out.

Very impressive, I would love to know more about the mysterious woman who may have cost our protag his life. 4/5 because you captured the fantasy element quite well, given the space limitation.

The change to, “…at Pierre” worked, as I had no question as to the relationship between the protagonist and Pierre. So, did you mean to have the villain who turns our hero to stone named Pierre…Peter…pietre…[rock in Greek, I think, or latin maybe?]? If so, nice touch. If not, happy accident.

not sure, happy accident?? (this was my co-author’s brainchild at the time) He was actually fashioned on the French anti-Santa Claus. :) This entire work is in editing for eventual publishing. Things like “at” are exactly what it needs!