Did I successfully pull the “leaving things unsaid” maneuver? Let me know what you think!

This is similar Hemingway’s six word story: “For sale: baby shoes, never worn.”

“leaving things unsaid” is hard to pull off for most writers, as we tend to want to explain what we see. IMHO, I feel you could have done more with less by using dialog only (another good example of dialog only would be Hemingway’s Hills like White Elephants).

I can’t believe I’ve put 2 Hemingway references in 1 comment… I abhore Farewell to Arms and Old Man and the Sea , but for all of Hemingways shortcommings, his moments of genius outshine them.

As to grammer, All of these? needs to be in quotes.

Ah, the pastime we so enjoy at my house. I saw that ending coming, in her movements, which makes your piece wonderfully characterized. I’ve never been told to buy or leave, though. :)

That’s what I was forgetting! Thank you – I forgot to say I was only expanding on that piece of flash fiction.

I’m not into writing only with dialogue, which is why I hadn’t considered doing that with this. But looking over it again, I see what you’re saying and agree. Maybe I’ll try a dialogue-only story in the future to get my feet wet.

“All of these?” was deliberately left without quotes, as they were the character’s thoughts. But I looked it over again, and it does seem more natural as part of the dialogue. I’ll change that.

… Wait, I’m not the only one who hated Old Man and the Sea? I figured I was just strange…

Anyway. Krulltar, thank you for stopping by! I’m out of practice with writing, which makes feedback even better on the rare occasion I actually write anything.

ElshaHawk, thank you! I’m glad I at least seem to have the characterization right. I hope the seller’s situation warrants her strange business move, but if not – there’s always revision.

You could italize “All of these?” instead of quotes, which would keep with the internal monolog.

I just remember that old “Why did the chicken cross the road” joke. Hemingway answers: “To die. In the Rain. Alone.”

Also a good option, thank you. But I like your suggestion with the quotation marks, so I guess I’ll stick with that.

…

I’ve always been a sucker for anti-jokes. <3

It does explain why she is abrupt with the happily pregnant buyer. :) Great choice giving her a shawl and a windy morning!

I think some of you a being too harsh. Most of you need to relax on the punctuation and sentence structuring.

For me it’s all about using the correct voice, tense and creating the perfect ebb and flow. At times, when someone thinks they know where the story is going, they start viewing it differently, as if cheated.

I LOVE this story. I’ve experienced the same situation, as the seller. I had to run my grandparents estate sell, it was complete torture. To all the assholes who arrived at 6 a.m. for a 9 a.m. start time, F.U.! And to the husband and wife team who dumped out boxes of books onto the floor and then proceeded to tear through the house, pushing other out of the way, and dumping whatever they could and breaking shit along the way and then wanting to pay “by the box” and not per item: there’s a special place in hell’s Lost Souls garage sell, I hope you get dropped and broken too.

See LuLu, what a story can do? I’m pissed!

32×32, I had a similar experience when my father died, but my critique of the story is based on LuLu’s “minimalistic” writing goal for this ficly. So consider my comments in that light.

Her jaw tightens in the silence.

That says it all. Congratulations on the featured story!

ElshaHawk: Thank you! I was looking for something for the seller to fidget with, as well as a way to illustrate the setting without using up too many words. The shawl proved to be the right stone to kill those birds.

32 Squared: I never viewed the earlier comments in a negative light, but thank you for your kind words – although I’m sorry I brought up such bad memories, for you and possibly Krulltar. Those people you mentioned are unbelievable…

cthulhuburger: I haven’t logged in for a while, so seeing this featured is a neat surprise. Thank you!

I liked it. The visual was great, of this doting soon-to-be mom and the touchy older woman. Lots of different ways it could go from here, as evidenced by the fact that someone tagged a sequel on there. Great expansion on that flash fiction piece.

Thank you, THX. I wasn’t so sure about this story before, but I’m happy with the reception.