This is great, Morgan. There’s only one slight change I’d make… consider the sentence about Joel lifting the baby. I think you could rework this to make it a little less cumbersome. I had to read it twice and both times wanted to read it a little differently. I always think of rousing as something we do to someone else but your usage here, as a reflexive verb, seems awkward. I think Joel is rousing her from sleep. Okay… I’ll shut up now – it’s great either way.

I appreciate all editorial comments Nancy. Constructive criticism only makes writers stronger. On second read, that change makes sense.

Editing notes: 1st sentence is a fragment, just a subject. The heat did what? The next sentence is out of order, which is fine, just threw me off at first. :) “as the fire grew and raged on” is unnecessary because you describe it 5 words later and that description is much more powerful. I wouldn’t be lifting the baby gently, but quickly and throwing a blanket over her head, grasping her firmly to my chest as I ran screaming to my wife to GET ADEN! Just saying.. and if the door frame is hot, I wouldn’t be ‘holding’ onto it, I’d pull my hand away with wide eyes and then bolt for the window.

Comments: You will find your voice in fiction! Being from a journalism background, it’s natural for you to play with wording to make things out of order, and that is not common in fiction. Maybe that is where your voice lies. Great writers use this technique. The story is a great ficly, complete in one page. Fire is devastating. You’ve captured the safety of escape.

Those are all good points you made LoA. The order of the story and the construction of the first sentence are deliberate. I was trying to emulate the descriptive styling of Stephen Crane’s “The Open Boat.”

The juxtaposition of everyone’s lack of alarm is also deliberate —I was looking to portray it as something that was destructive, but also that the couple accepted without much conflict. They’re not only sleep addled and a little delirious from having inhaled a bunch of smoke as they slept, they’re also sure of what’s important. Everyone was alive; they had a way out.

I am, however, editing to reflect that Maura is supporting herself on the door frame because she is tired.

Of course the kids. Couldn’t be anything else. :)