Wow. That… uh, took things in a much different direction than I envisioned. You kinda turned my MC into a bastard. :)

Needs some cleaning up Paul, but WAY TO GO! I loved this piece.

I think is suffers from what mine suffered from, rushed writing; get it out before I lose the thought, Your minor mistakes show that, but not anything major.

It’s the body and structure that counts, this has a solid foundations, just hammer the nails in a little tighter and clean it up a bit.

I can’t clean mine up on Ficly, the box is too small. Copy and paste into Word, make your font as big as you want and copy and paste back into Ficly. Just remember to delete and reinsert a letter or two so Ficly accepts the paste, it’s an anti-spam thing.

Keep writing!

I enjoyed the hell out of this story, and hope y’all liked the direction I took it into. With zombies and vampires, it’s really difficult to come up with something novel.

I liked the sense of justice brought about by the details. 32 squared already mentioned the editing stuff, so I won’t parrot that. Great story idea, just needs some work in the execution…pun intended.