“Pyjamas” … “biscuit” … second person—you crazy Australians!

But seriously, second person is such a tricky style to pull off. It’s not my favorite, but the opening lines didn’t dissuade me from reading on.

I think this piece’s strength is in its universality. I knew a Gavin, too. I think everybody knows a Gavin, or knew one, which makes second person not as odd of a choice here.

The last line felt a titch unnecessary, but I was still wrinkling my nose at the creature from the previous line, so I didn’t really notice it.

I think I agree with you Jester. The last line was in my original shorter piece, but that didn’t have the leaving part, so the welcome at the end doesn’t really fit. I’m removing it if I can.

I reckon it will be a better finish without it.

I’m guessing the last line jesteram mentioned was gone by the time I arrived. The way it finishes now works for me.

Second person is tricky. There are lots of questions in those first lines though and that sucked me in.

Driving, at 11:05 am – ok – going where? – why do I have time? – what for?

And then at the end I was left thinking, did I stop there just to be disgusted and unnerved?

The opening has such a strange sense of purpose and it all seems to come to nothing. Which is no bad thing.