I want to know more! I love the idea of “the road to endlessness.” There’s something very poetic there.

I liked “Trees thinned ahead” that is such a precise use of language and it places a perfect image in the flow of the story without making a splash, or missing a beat, if you will.

I enjoyed this story for its flashes of brilliance but I think your opening could improve if you consolidated the sentences.

For example:

“The leaves crashed too loudly as Niccolas ran. He tried to minimize…”

Telling us that the leaves will give him away takes away from the suspense. We know right up front that he gets caught so why keep reading? I suggest letting the descriptions show us how vulnerable he is instead.

There is potential here for an engaging story, and I know you are more than capable. I like your writing.

I like the beginning. The short sentence of introduction is engaging, setting the stage for the chase at hand.

The suspense is built nicely – not wanting to be discovered over crushing leaves underfoot when your own heaving breathing can give you away.

There appears to be a lot more story here and I look forward to the telling of it.

Tad, good call. I made the change while maintaining the the abrupt beginning, which I was hesitant to give up. I think it works much better this way.