This made me sad, at first. Then I became angry the more I read of it. Finally, I didn’t know what to feel about it and decided I’d think it over… []o)

Seems experimental in a way, juvenile at parts, insightful at others; I’m not sure what you are trying to accomplish here, but I like the idea of what you’re doing.

Your commentary would be appreciated, if you’d like to leave it.

Miles;

One lesson I learned on Ficly is to write simple, I was amazed at how much more I said while utilizing fewer words.

I get a feeling that the actual “words” are the building blocks for this story, their definitions are almost irritating in a way and cast aside, like watching that part of a movie when one of the stars starts “reviewing” past events so the idiotic audience can follow the story line.

Sometimes ‘why" doesn’t matter, and you don’t ask it. So it seems the first few paragraphs are for the soul benefit of the audience. The last paragraph IS the story. “A sad and angry man decides to search for a place where he doesn’t have to be sad and angry anymore…” and then your last paragraph. Great Job Miles.

With the simplicity and lightness of the words a greater heaviness is realized ….“Out of the mouths of juveniles” in a way?

Juvenile, experimental… You’re both right, I think. And Sir Bic, I don’t know if I have much commentary to offer. It’s a bit autobiographical in a simplistic way, and I wasn’t writing it for style but for catharsis. A bit, at least.

My life is a series of sad short stories, I’ve realized. And each one is an opportunity to rewrite history, just a little bit better than the last. The hardest part is the bit at the beginning of them each where you realize that you don’t have the slightest clue what’s next.

The beginning began. And here we are.

Not sure what to say about this. It seems like something a 6 yr old would write with all the repetition of “sad” and “angry”. But I can also see that you did it on purpose to emphasize the emotions.

Not sure if I like it or not :(

Thank you for the taking the time to both read and comment! This is definitely on the fringe end of my work. I’m not sure if I like it either!

I like the repetition, and although I acknowledge it’s far from necessary, it’s that attention to detail that says a lot about a) the writer, b) the audience, and c) the character[s]. For me, the paragraphs served to illustrate the passing of long periods of time. As if the Drifter spent ages in the Sad town, before growing out of that phase in his life and becoming Angry. After spending ages in the Angry town, he grew weary of that too, and moved on…grew up. A sequel (similar in style or not) would be cool to see what became of this Drifter.