During the first month we’ll flirt and spend most of our time with mutual friends. I’ll want to have sex, but she’ll want to wait. I’ll like her enough so that’’ll be fine. I’ll jerk off after she falls asleep.

The second month, we’ll spend a lot of time just the two of us, and it sounds gay, but it’ll be magical. I’ll find out that she can be a total bitch but it’s okay because I can be an asshole and we’ll joke about it. We’ll fuck finally, and it’ll be okay.

Third month, we’ll be fucking almost every night and sometimes twice a day. I’ll get scared because I’ll be able to see myself marrying her, but it’ll be way too soon for that kind of thinking. I’ll be able to tell from the way she touches my arm while we’re falling asleep that she loves me. That’ll scare me, too.

Fourth month and I’ll want to spend my life with her. She’ll put her head on my shoulder and I’ll get scared.

Fifth month I’ll be terrified and leave her, and every girl after that will pale in comparison.

I have it all planned out.