I really like this one. Of course, it makes you wonder why Uncle Joe left the narrator all his money, and later on why he decides to walk down a dark alley. But I guess in fiction people are always wandering down dark alleys without a clear reason why.

you didn’t read the ficly thread, did you ceni

*centi, woops

I think it was a neat idea, the whole weird uncle with possible magical associations. I’ll be honest, I got totally lost by that last little sentence. And you may want to take another look at run-on sentences.

Yeah, the ending is a bit confusing, but overall, the story is really good.

Wait

There are pretty much no run on sentences in this, as best as I can reckon. Just terrible repetitive fragment problems, which was kinda intentional.

I normally write with an excess of run-ons, so I made sure not to do that with that paragraph because I could have so easily.

I have no idea about a ficly thread in relation to this story (as Skald mentioned), which may be why the ending—the frog line, to be precise—confused me a bit, too.

Otherwise, I liked the piece: a coat with stars and moons is such a bizarre detail, and the alliteration of “grenade of greenbacks” was satisfying.

Small suggestion: I was always trained that people are never “that,” so consider “I’m where his money went” as a more personable alternative?

It was actually originally written that way

I changed it because I liked the flow of it better with the following line if he’s a bit more vague as to where the money went. And the less personable feel is nice, I think, to describe the relationship the two were supposed to have had

The second paragraph is one long run-on sentence. Change the comma after “wizard” in that sentence to a semicolon, or a period to fix that problem. You may also want to change “and his coat was covered in stars and moons” to: “and he usually wore a coat with a stars and moon pattern.”

The first sentence in the second paragraph is also a run-on. End it after “guess.” And to remove “that” as a descriptor for the protagonist, maybe make the following line read: “He must have liked me though, as he left me his entire inheritance.”

There’s a couple more, but there’s no need to point them out. THX is an obscenely wise man, and talented writer. It would be prudent to heed his advice.

And I’m also confuzzled by the final line.

Y’all have some wacky definitions of run on then, if that’s how you’re judging it.

And as for the last lines, the idea is that the two thugs got turned into frogs by the explosion of wizard money, an epidemic which has since drifted through the city.

It’s only confusing out of context, dogg, don’t worry about it

I dug this story, the run on-sentence thing doesn’t seem too jarring

just seemed to me the narrator was taking a conversational tone

I’m intrigued. I’d read a longer story with this premise.

h5

So, the wizard left his money to the narrator, which attracted frogs????

Turned people into frogs is the idea

Playing off of the classic wizard image

Ah, I get the frogs now. And I feel a bit obtuse for not seeing that before.

Quetzi: Confusion gone. And I love hearing how thought went into deciding to use “that” to describe a person for context and character reasons. I’m such a grammar geek. Just don’t get me started on the importance of the terminal comma…

ok i like the idea and i am too much of a trubador to even acknowledge the runons

You know, there are a few ways to shorten this and still retain the casual, conversational tone.

But it’s unimportant, really. It’s still a pretty good story.

I like it. Seems a little kind of O. Henry, in its way. And as I’m plenty guilty of run-on sentences myself (I prefer to call them “unabridged ideas”), I won’t comment on that point. But I smiled at the end.