Damn filthy creatures, they’re everywhere, all around me. When one comes near I feel spiders start to crawl over and under my skin. I know they’re out in the daytime, but I’m more around them at night when I work.

They call me Clean Celine. This world I live in is too nasty. I carry all sorts of soaps and antibacterial lotions and gels. These filthy, greasy, sticky monsters get their slobber and juices all over me, sometimes I scrub myself raw with a Brillo. Some say I’m crazy, others say I’m eccentric, and others say they like being around me because they trust my cleanliness.

I was raised with one of these dogs, my mother brought one home one day. It kept sneaking into my room and she told me to shut up and let it sleep with me. Ignore it she said, and I did. But the thing smelled and that’s when it started, the showers and deodorant spray over my entire body.

Here comes one now, filthy animal…

“$75 and up, $300 no rubber, you front the hotel, deal?”

The hotel better have hot-hot water. Dirty dog.