I really love the description in the first paragraph.

It’s interesting Shu Sam Chen liked the first paragraph, because I felt it was a bit flowery. I recommend cutting “in the distance” (the Sun never sets anywhere else) and replacing “was filled” with “filled”. I’m also not convinced about “blushing, rose colored clouds where the last rays of still caressed them” – not only do you need to cut the “of”, you also said “clouds where rays still caressed” … but you haven’t said where what.

The part with the stars peeking through the firmament with jewel eyes is nicely done.