It’s mostly exposition, meaning background information about the story without really telling the action of the story. You could pack a lot more punch by focusing on action and hitting or leaving completely unsaid all the details.

Grammar points. The first sentence is a run on. You could even just set the first part in its own paragraph, which might even be a little eye catching. You’ve got a missing comma or two, and I think you meant ‘fixated’.

Lots of potential, and a neat story idea.

I like that you start with a foundation to build upon later, and it’s still wide open enough for anyone to continue. Have a sequel or prequel in mind? I hope so…cause if not, I may have to make one myself. =)