I can see where the story I did and THX sequeled could have inspired this. You lost me in the middle from ‘of such’ to ‘pallid’ because of the ‘comforting feeling’. I don’t think you want a comforting feeling in this piece, even saying you don’t have it. But that’s just my opinion.

Definitely felt pained, and I think I got the overall situation/mood/contemplation. This one was maybe too broken up for my tastes, but that’s a very subjective thing.

Thank you both!

I prefer the weird looking breaks because when I read it out loud very fast it naturally adds emphasis in the places it needs to.

i reads naturally, it’s not a spacing thing, in fact, I like the pacing. I just was thrown off by the comfort segment. :)

I once wrote a poem about a kite in the shape of a kite. Silly, I know. But yours is much more emotional, like a waterfall, the way you’ve written it, splashing onto a floor of granite and shattering into mists of gold.

I noticed that you only use punctuation twice…..why? I think it’s just fine without.

Finally, I’m really big on titles, you don’t need Amidst , I suggest & instead. I don’t get the sense of anything being in the middle or among, it’s more chaotic than that. And most people read Amidst as Admits , it’s a brain thing.

Lovely piece.

I felt like it needed a few small pauses where I placed the punctuation is all. Thanks for your perspective, 32squared. It’s always appreciated.

The source of comfort is what turns into the source of pain. I feel like its a necessary part of the poem, although, maybe it could be expressed more clearly. It’s about the risk of liking or loving someone, getting too attached, for the fear of becoming fragile, brittle, and broken easily. The next step after being shattered is numbness. And then it gets better— but you’re less likely to trust the next time around and this experience essentially molds you into the skeptical heart breaker yourself. I loathe this cycle, and I try not to participate in the game, but its hard not to get swept into a cynical careless state sometimes.

ah, i see where you are headed with it now. But I felt it was not out of comfort that the sting came, rather it was out of being blind in love with someone and speaking from your heart. The words just came out wrong.

*blindly

I liked it.