The Movie That Probably Will Never Be Made

“Great flapping bloomers- CUT! Ted, the line is ‘So, it’s you…‘. We can’t keep reshooting this all day!”

Ted sheathed the sword and shook his head ruefully.

“Yeah, yeah… So, it’s you… got it, I promise….”

“CUT! You had me right up to promise! Jesus H. Roosevelt Christ! It’s swear! S-W-E-A-R! How many times do we got to go around this block?!”

“Sheeze, mister, I plumb forgot!”

“We’re not filming A Cock and Bull Story here! This is a much purer cinema!”

“A-A-And that’s a wrap!” The director bellowed.

The producer turned to the director, riffling inside his suit for his flask. “When we’re finished filming this movie, I’m going to fucking kill that writer so he doesn’t write any more crazy shit like this.”

“CUT! Cut, cut, CUTTT! Crazy, not clazy, you son of a bitch! Thanks to you our budget’s almost run out! Crazeee not clazeee!” The director mops his brow with a wet rag. “My God, at this point I’m absolutely frightened someone will jump out and yell CUT! My grip on reality will just fucking shatter!”

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