A very real scene painted here. War is far too brutal for me. I know that is its nature, but to say it so obviously really makes the word war represent the ugly truth.

There is a book I really enjoy albeit is has a bit of dust on it now; Mammoth Book of True War Stories. It has true war stories told by the people who were there…from the siege of troy to the gulf war. Its 50 or so stories.
I would say that this story measures up to those in detail and the ability to draw the reader into that moment in time.

So what true story is this retelling based off of?

I changed the name, but this was the part of the experience that stood out to me as it was related to me. The events took place about two weeks ago in Eastern Afghanistan to a unit out of COP Nagil.

I like this, is covers a lot of physical ground without stumbling.

I think a few areas need punctuation, like a comma after corn and somewhere in the “immobile” sentence, It think it’s too long.

But your line “fields of dangerously high corn” is arrestingly beautiful and morbid and scary. I cold write a whole page on that one line because I don’t have the proper words to explain how I read it.

It’s high, but not high enough. It represents "we take what we can, we’ll make the most of this cover, even though it’s not sufficient. The line if full of hope and despair, angst… basically it represent a Fragile Braveness.

And corn has ears, and is basic building block for human consumption, it’s an emblem against hunger and a badge of how rich a country’s food supply is. And planted in rows standing at attention, unmovable, like a soldier.

Great use of adjectives. They make the scene that much more real.