Sounds like a suicide? Not a happy topic, but it works. On the other hand, it remains pretty vague and generic. Some personal details or even random details might have made it more personal or effective—stuff like what her particular concerns and worries are.

Also, the third sentence is a ‘comma splice’.

The comma splice was intentional. I tried it with a semicolon, but that screwed with the pacing of the sentence — I wanted that whole paragraph to feel sort of rushed.

My intent was really just to create a picture of that specific moment. Personal and random details seemed like they’d be sort of extraneous.

this sort of sounds like a story I did that had this same sort of direction.
I know for sure that this isn’t a happy story, but it would be interesting to know what’s happening in this characters life.