If the photographer is saying her name over and over again, to be condescending and snide, it works. Otherwise, the photographer says it too much, and we only find out in the end that he’s a dick, we pretty much know that already.
However, I think maybe you might have been inspired by Elsha’s all dialogue piece? I think you did a great job. You managed to fit who, what, why, where, when and how within the dialogue, I like it a lot THX, maybe I’ll try one next.
Yep, I meant it to be a condescending sort of repetition, so I’m glad that came through as much as it did. He’s not saying her name to say it but more to put punctuation mark on his statements.
I forgot one point. You have an excellent textbook example of how one word can define one persons entire character, mentality, age, innocence vs. stupidity and, based on that, the other characters salacious intentions. Using “just-0-position” was simply brilliant.
(I know you don’t like morbid, but there was a infamous serial killer, William Richard Bradford, that murdered women in this exact scenario. That’s what I was envisioning when I read this piece)
This was good for a laugh! Normally, dialogue without description is not great, but by talking about the setting and her position, you have created movement and action within the parts. Well done!
I like how the entire story is told through the dialogue. I’d love to know how they ended up in this situation, because they obviously don’t like each other very much… :D Thank you for entering!!
Oh this is just genius! You should be thrilled with it. It’s often so hard to pull off a straight dialogue (as Elsha said) but the structure and beat to it requires no extra phrases.
Definately very giggle-worthy. The relationship you’ve constructed from merely their conversation is brillaint too… Abby x
I really need to find a “bombed out” shack in the middle of February and a Sue. And a fairly decent camera. I think the title really pulls the entire piece together.
THX 0477 
32 ^2 
ElshaHawk (LoA) 
Emilou 
Abby (LoA) 
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